Transcribed by Brandon Williams
Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“The Test” – Episode 18
Written by Tom Wyner
Sky-Byte: Shark Missile Attack! Terrorize! Megatron has finally given my a mission worthy of my abilities. When I’m through here, this drilling plant will be totally destroyed. And the people of Earth will learn that the Predacons will no longer be denied the energy that is rightfully ours. Tsunami Blaster!
T-AI: Oh no! Optimus, Sky-Byte’s destroying that drilling platform! We’re gonna have to stop him. Who should I send?
Optimus: There’s no time. That facility isn’t far from here. I’ll go. Optimus Prime, transform!
Sky-Byte: A celebratory Haiku!
“Sky-Byte’s delightful flames,
Rose on butterfly wings,
Black orange burning.”
Ah, I’m such a romantic. Agh! Who did that?! Scourge, how dare you?! Scourge, what’s the matter with you? Megatron has ordered me to come here.
Scourge: Scourge, transform! Barrage Attack!
Sky-Byte: Scourge, you traitor! Whose side are you on?!
Optimus: Optimus, transform!
Sky-Byte: Huh? Optimus Prime!
Optimus: I will not allow you to destroy this structure, Sky-Byte!
Sky-Byte: My enemies have found me, they surround me and confound me, and within thou missiles hound me, as they hit the ground around me, but with one astounding bound, I shall escape! Bye!
Optimus: Scourge, you’re an Autobot with an Autobot spark. Look deep within yourself and you’ll find it. Use its power to reject your dedication to Megatron’s cause! You can do this, Scourge. I know you can. Scourge, wait! Come back! Megatron’s influence must be weakening. Why else would he attack Sky-Byte?
Megatron: I gave you a direct order, Sky-Byte. That drilling platform was supposed to have been totally destroyed. What’s your excuse this time?
Sky-Byte: I was betrayed, Megatron. I told you not to trust those Decepticons and I was right. I was prevented from carrying out your orders by that traitor Scourge, who viciously attacked me! Then Optimus showed up and the two of them attacked me at the same time. Scourge says he’s on our side, but his actions prove otherwise.
Megatron: Nonsense! His loyalty to me is unquestioned. Now then, what do you have to report worth listening to?
Sky-Byte: What are you saying? That Scourge was attacking on your orders when —
Megatron: Silence! This is discussion is over.
Sky-Byte: There’s something fishy here and it’s not me.
Optimus: Right now Scourge thinks of himself as a Decepticon. But when he scanned that truck, he scanned me as well. So there’s a battle going on inside him between Megatron’s evil and my dedication to goodness and justice.
Sideburn: That Scourge is bad news and nothing but. He leads the Decepticons. Does Optimus really think he’s going to change all of sudden?
Prowl: Nah, he’s just saying there’s still hope for him. Optimus knows how dangerous the guy is.
Optimus: Yes I do, but I also believe he’s rediscovering his true identity as an Autobot.
X-Brawn: Just because he’s got party of you inside him, it doesn’t change what he’s done. What makes you think he —
Optimus: I think he stopped Sky-Byte from destoying that platform because, at least for that moment, the part of him that knew it was wrong was in control.
Sideburn: Maybe that’s exactly what he wants you to think.
Prowl: What’s that noise?
T-AI: Someone’s sending a transmission, but I can barely make it out because the signal’s on such a narrow bandwidth.
Optimus: That means the sender is probably trying to keep this transmission a secret.
T-AI: Right, because the narrower the bandwidth, the harder it is to eavesdrop.
Mega-Octane: Optimus Prime, Mega-Octane calling Optimus Prime. I request a meeting tomorrow morning, one-on-one. I’ll be flying the white flag. I want to talk, not fight. Downloading visual. Over and out.
T-AI: Looks like they’re sending a topographical map. Uploading visual display. So, he wants to meet in Sekoya National Park.
Sideburn: Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking?
X-Brawn: It’s a setup, Optimus. It’s gotta be.
Optimus: I think the Decepticons are confused and that this is a cry for help. I’ve gotta go.
Autobot Bros: Huh?!
X-Brawn: All right, but if you’re going, we’re going too.
Optimus: No! I’m going alone!
Sideburn: No way!
Optimus: If we’re willing to make the first move, we can at least meet them half way.
Optimus: I’m sure this way the location. There’s no sign of him. If he doesn’t show up soon, I…
Mega-Octane: Mega-Octane, transform!
Optimus: You said you wanted to talk to me. I’m listening.
Mega-Octane: We Decepticons have been at war within ourselves, fighting against the evil Megatron planted within us. But now we’ve won that fight. Megatron is no longer our master.
Optimus: I see. Go on.
Mega-Octane: We want to join you and help protect the Earth against the Predacon menace. We want to join you. We want to be apart of the Autobot team as we were meant to be.
Optimus: Your actions prove otherwise. You’ve fought us at every turn. Why should I believe you?
Mega-Octane: We know now that what we did was wrong and we apologize. We’ll do whatever we have to do to prove our sincerity, to show you that we’ve regained our true Autobot identities.
Optimus: Does Scourge feel the same way?
Mega-Octane: Of course.
Optimus: Then why isn’t he here? He’s your leader. Why send you?
Mega-Octane: Unlike the rest of us, he takes his orders directly from Megatron. If he weren’t there Megatron would become suspicious.
Optimus: I understand. When the right time comes you’ll all leave together.
Sky-Byte: I knew it. The Decepticons are traitors.
Mega-Octane: Everything is working perfectly, Megatron. Optimus Prime is convinced that we want to join the Autobots. Shall we proceed with the next stage of the plan?
Mega-Octane: Very well. We’ll setup the next meeting and play them for the suckers they are. Sooner or later they’ll trust us enough to tell us everything we want to know.
Megatron: Correct, which means they’ll also tell you the secret location of their headquarters, which you shall then obliterate.
Scourge: Lying, pretence and betrayal… This is no plan for a warrior.
Mega-Octane: Once their monitoring devices have been destroyed, we’ll be able to steal energy from virtually anywhere on Earth, giving us the power to destroy them!
X-Brawn: Megatron is behind this, sure as shoot! No matter what that Decepticon told you.
Optimus: I don’t think they are Decepticons anymore. I think their sparks have rejected Megatron’s evil influence and they’re Autobots like us.
X-Brawn: Maybe, but if you ask me, this whole thing smells like a steaming hog tromp on a hot day.
Prowl: They might not have changed at all. Until we know for sure, we can’t let our guard down.
Sideburn: I agree. There’s no way to know whether they’re working for Megatron or not.
Optimus: Look, we’ll stay alert and if they make a move against us, we’ll handle it. Meanwhile, I say we give ’em a chance.
Sideburn: Well all right then, on one condition.
Prowl: One condition? What do you mean?
Optimus: What do you have in mind, Sideburn?
Sideburn: Well, the only way to know what their real motives are is to do some motivational research. We’ll give ’em a test.
Optimus: A test?
X-Brawn: C’mon, Sideburn. We’re not mind readers. What are you talking about?
Sideburn: I’ve got a plan. It’s absolutely foolproof.
X-Brawn: You really think these guys are gonna show up?
Sideburn: Don’t worry, they’ll be here.
Prowl: Who knows, maybe being on our side really is what they want.
Sideburn: First let’s find out if they they can pass the test. Ah, here they come now. They’re right on time.
Prowl: They don’t look very friendly to me.
X-Brawn: Calm down, little brother. Let’s see what they’ve got to say.
Mega-Octane: Optimus Prime said that we could join the Autobots if we could prove that we were being truthful. What would you have us do?
Sideburn: Not much. You can start by cleaning up this forest.
Mega-Octane: We’re warriors! We specialize in combat. We know nothing about meanial tasks like cleaning.
Sideburn: Look, you want to convince us that you’re Autobots, right? Well our primary mission is to protect the Earth in any way we can and cleaning up the enviroment is one of the most important.
Scourge: Spread out and clean the forest.
Rollbar: This is fun. I’m not gonna miss one leaf.
Ro-Tor: Yeah, I could do this all day long!
Movor: I just love being outdoors.
Armorhide: Especially in this beautiful forest.
Mega-Octane: When we’re through this place will be as clean as a whistle.
Rollbar: We’re happy to help out!
X-Brawn: Well, it sure sounds like they’re enjoying themselves.
Prowl: Yeah, the question is, for how long?
Sideburn: Hey, wait a second!
Prowl: What’s wrong?
X-Brawn: Sideburn, where ya going? You can’t leave now!
Prowl: Oh no. Look!
X-Brawn: No wonder Sideburn took off like that.
Prowl: Talk about bad timing. This could ruin everything.
Sideburn: Hey there, little red sportscar! Wait for me!
Scourge: Errghh… That rude, arrogant little —
Mega-Octane: Calm down. Don’t forget why we’re here.
Scourge: We shouldn’t be here in the first place.
Mega-Octane: We’re Autobots now, act like one.
Armorhide: If you don’t cool it, you’ll blow the whole mission.
Movor: I knew he temper would be trouble. Someone else should take command until he learns to control —
Scourge: Someone like you?
Movor: No, ‘course not! I was —
Rollbar: Shh! They might hear you!
Sideburn: It’s great meeting another nature lover. Beautiful forest, huh?
Optimus: I think it’s time we showed all our new friends that we’re all on the same team. So let’s help them clean up around here. Including you, Sideburn.
Sideburn: Me? You’re kidding, right?
Sky-Byte: Astonishing, they’re cleaning the forest. Now I know they’re traitors.
Sideburn: If this is all an act, they’re pretty good actors.
Prowl: No kidding. I’d say Optimus is already convinced they’re for real.
X-Brawn: I think his connection with Scourge is clouding his judgement. We gotta find a way to make him see that they’re phonies.
Sideburn: Not to worry boys. By the time I’m through with them, they won’t be able to hide anything from anyone.
Scourge: Keep moving, keep moving. No speeding. Obey the traffic laws! Move along, please!
Rollbar: You there, slow down! Hey!
Scourge: Ro-Tor, stop that driver.
Ro-Tor: That’s far enough, human!
Scourge: You mustn’t ignore the traffic laws. You might get hurt.
Ro-Tor: Here’s another one. Take it away, Movor.
Movor: All right Ro-Tor, I’ve got it.
Mega-Octane: I’m so glad we get to rebuild what we destroyed before!
Armorhide: Hey, yeah right. Save it, pal. The Autobots are too far away to hear you.
X-Brawn: Man, these guys are tough. They’re still going strong.
Sideburn: I sure didn’t expect them to last this long.
Prowl: Maybe your plan wasn’t so foolproof after all.
X-Brawn: Gotta hand it to them. They’ve been working their tails off. Maybe Optimus is right all along.
X-Brawn: Well, they’ve been at it all day, completed every job we gave ’em, right?
Prowl: Yeah, which is exactly what Megatron would’ve told them to do inorder to convince us that they’re on our side. Isn’t that right, Sideburn?
Sideburn: I’ve never seen a bunch of bots work so hard!
Prowl: Well all I know is that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is.
Optimus: What do you think of them now, guys?
Optimus: I think they’ve passed the test, don’t you?
X-Brawn: They didn’t complain… And did more in one day than we could do in a week.
Sideburn: If it’s all right with Optimus, it’s all right with me. We’re going back on patrol.
Armorhide: Cleaning up this canal wasn’t easy, but we did it!
Ro-Tor: It’s sure hard work, but helping to beautify the city makes it all worth while.
Rollbar: Can the act, will you guys? The Autobots can’t hear us down here.
Movor: Quiet Rollbar, they could be monitoring us right now!
Scourge: Let ’em.
Mega-Octane: We’re all tired, Scourge. A little fresh oil will fix you up. Here.
Scourge: Keep your oil. I’ve had it up to here with this ridiculous plan. I knew I should have never agreed to it, and now I’m through playing the fool. It’s time to attack.
Mega-Octane: No, Scourge! I’m sure we’ve convinced them by now. If you don’t control yourself, you’ll ruin everything.
Optimus: You’ve proven yourselves to be Autobots. You’re welcome to join us.
Mega-Octane: Serving the Autobot cause will be an honour and a priviledge. Thank you, Optimus.
Optimus: No thanks necessary. Come on, I’ll take you to our headquarters.
Mega-Octane: Your secret base?
Optimus: That’s right. The global space bridge is the only way to get there.
Mega-Octane: You see, it worked.
Scourge: Yes, Optimus Prime is an even bigger fool than I thought.
Sky-Byte: This is my chance to show Megatron that I am his most loyal and valuable follower. I will destroy those traitors and the leader of the Autobots in one fell swoop. Sky-Byte, terrorize! Well now, what do we have here? Decepticons consorting with the enemy? Oh dear, what a shame. Megatron would be so disappointed that I had to destroy you!
Scourge: This is perfect.
Mega-Octane: If we blow that pestiliant Predacon Sky-Byte away, Optimus and the Autobots will believe anything we tell them.
Scourge: Good thinking. Let’s do it.
Sky-Byte: Say goodbye, you traitors!
Commandos: Combine into Ruination!
Ruination: Now we show you that the Predacons are as much our enemy as they are yours, Optimus.
Scourge: Especially that grubbling, obnoxious Sky-Byte. Barrage Attack!
Sky-Byte: I’ll deal with you later!
Scourge: Come back here, you coward!
Kelly: I didn’t think the mechanic could ever fix my car after the beating it took from those robots, but now it’s running as good as new!
Optimus: No, Scourge! Wait! I’ve got to stop him. Flying Fist!
Kelly: Why do I only have half a car?! Where did the rest of it go? Well at least this way I’ll only have to buy half as much gas! Ha, ha, ha!
Scourge: Optimus, why did you get in my way?
Ruination: Without your interference, we would have eliminated a dangerous enemy.
Optimus: Along with the driver of that car! Are you willing to risk a human life for the sake of destroying a Predacon?!
Scourge: Of what consequence is the life of one human when compared to an enemy’s destruction?
Optimus: What did you say?
Ruination: I apologize for Scourge. He didn’t mean it in the way it sounded. He’s so eager the exterminate the Predacons that he gets carried away.
Scourge: Enough! This farce is over!
Optimus: Farce? If he means what I think he means…
Ruination: No! We had him eating out of our oil pans and now everything is ruined!
Scourge: Don’t worry. Once we’ve ripped Optimus to pieces, we’ll download the location of their base from his databanks.
Optimus: Don’t do this, Scourge.
Scourge: You’re a fool, Optimus. It was your own need to believe in us that allowed us to lie to you what we really are. The compassion spawned by your Autobot spark makes you vulnerable and weak. And that weakness will now be your undoing.
Optimus: On the contrary, Scourge. Compassion the Autobots greatest strength. Perhaps I did allow my hope to cloud my judgement, but that mistake is about to be corrected!
T-AI: Calling all Autobots! Calling Autobots! This is a battle protocol! Return to the canal, ASAP. Turns out the Decepticons are still evil after all! Optimus is taking on all six of them!
X-Brawn: What’d I tell ya?! I knew it was too good to be true!
Prowl: The Decepticons are armed to the teeth. If we don’t get there soon, he’s in big trouble!
Sideburn: Right! Pedals the the metal, guys!
Optimus: Battle Mode! Let’s see if you can fight as well as you lie!
Scourge: What?! Barrage Attack!
Ruination: Rapid Fire!
Sideburn: Uh oh, Optimus is getting mangled!
Prowl: Looks like we got here just in time. Let’s help him.
X-Brawn: Hold on. Look!
Sideburn: What’s that?!
X-Brawn: That’s the heat generated by Optimus’ Cyber-Matrix!
Prowl: He’s at penultimate power!
Optimus: You chose to play a most dangerous game, but not the game ends. You lose! Pulse Cannon! Gyro Strike!
Sideburn: I’ve never seen Optimus at full power before. He’s incredible!
X-Brawn: Looks like we can sit this one out.
Scourge: Enough. Scourge, transform!
Ruination: Until next time, Optimus.
Optimus: Fight, you cowards! After what’s happened here, I may never be able to trust them.
Sky-Byte: …But Megatron, I caught them in the act! They were talking to Optimus as if they were old friends and then they viciously acted me! They’re traitors, I tell you!
Megatron: You brainless fool! As usual, you’ve ruined everything!
Sky-Byte: Oh. Being brainless is not painless.
Optimus: I owe you all an apology. You tried to warn me and I let you down. I let my hope and optimism about the Decepticons override my better judgement.
X-Brawn: Hey, come on! Those guys played their parts perfectly. Heck, even Sideburn was convinced they were on the up and up. And nobody’s blaming you, Optimus. Right guys?
Sideburn: ‘Course not. It was my fault. It was my idea to test them, and that gave them to perfect opportunity to get us to trust them.
Prowl: Just because we made a mistake doesn’t mean we should stop hoping that they’ll change. We’re with you, big guy.
Optimus: I… uhh…
X-Brawn: Will wonders never cease?! Optimus is speechless. Guess there’s a first time for everything.
Optimus: Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot.
Sideburn: Hey, he’s talking again. I knew it was too good to be true!
[The Autobot Brothers laugh.]