Transcribed by Brandon Williams
Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Attack from Outer Space” – Episode 17
Written by Matthew V. Lewis
Optimus: At this point, everything has to work perfectly, or they could postpone the launch.
Kennedy: 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Lift off. We have lift off. Houston, you’re in control.
Houston: Roger, Kennedy. Thank you.
Koji: That is sweet! What am I going to have to do before they let me become an astronaut?
Optimus: You’ll have to work really hard, Koji.
Koji: Work? Oh man… Like starting today?
Optimus: Starting whenever you want to be an astronaut.
Houston: All clear. Rocket booster seperation.
Ro-Tor: Heh, hey! Sweet. This is a textbook perfect battle maneuver.
Armorhide: They think Movor is their space shuttle.
Mega-Octane: Now Movor only has to locate the Autobot base and we can attack and destroy it. Child’s play.
Movor: Hooooo-hoooo! Ah, now this is the life. It’s like a zero gravity tanning salon up here. No more final countdown till booster tanks. That thing almost gave me a hernia! That’s one big cloud. It’d be great cover if I was launching an attack.
Scourge: Movor, quit daydreaming and get ready to attack. Get us the co-ordinates to the Autobot base.
Movor: Yes, sir. Co-ordinates for one Autobot base coming right up. Why don’t we just start simple and track an Autobot or two? Where are any stinking Autobots… Ha! Looks like this one’s bringing back some cargo back to base.
Tow-Line: You were infront of the same fire hydrant last week, little man. No parking! Wow. Unbelievable. All these violations are going to make this a hectic afternoon. Let’s go, little man.
Movor: C’mon! Why are you so careful with those stupid cars? Quit towing things and go back to base, you mindless drone. Could you possibly be more in touch with your inner-Autobot? Bingo. Look no further than Prowl. Prowl’s perfect. Do-gooder. Maybe you’ll be kind enough to lead me back to the Autobot base.
Cop #1: I can’t catch him. I need back up.
Cop #2: He just hit the on-ramp. He’s headed for quadrant three!
Prowl: They’re coming this way and they’re going to need my help! All available units, full pursuit in effect. Suspect is in a purple sedan, heading eastbound on the harbour freeway. This is unit #3. Hang in there, guys. I’m on the case.
Movor: Where’s this guy going?
Cop #1: Pull over to the right immediately! Cease and desist! You are under arrest!
Prowl: This is unit #3 in hot pursuit!
Movor: What? Crafty little cop is hiding from me. Are they on to us already? It looks like they called in decoys!
Megatron: So tell me, Scourge… What novel information does Movor have vis-a-vis the global positioning of the enemy liar?
Megatron: Where are the Autobots hiding?!
Mega-Octane: Sir, we have not yet heard from Movor. Come in, Movor. Respond. Have you located the Autobot headquarters yet?
Megatron: …Yes… No! What?!
Movor: Here’s a little game for you guys. Pin the laser on the Autobot. Which one is Prowl, huh?
Armorhide: I think I see him in the top-right corner, Movor.
Ro-Tor: No! I think he’s in the bottom left.
Rollbar: Come on… I see him! He’s right in the middle, one of those two.
Mega-Octane: Fools! Even if you find Prowl, he’s caught up in a car chase!
Scourge: Movor, identify any Autobot headed back to base.
Movor: Hey, this ain’t easy! Not with the optics I scanned in from the shuttle.
Scourge: Find one now, before I scan you into sheet metal.
Movor: “Find one now, Movor.” “Where are the Autobots, Movor?” Impatient freak, I don’t see him doing anything. What is that?
Gas Skunk: Look, I told you before, we’re doing the cheekbone. The cheekbone is not the nose. I doesn’t curve, so stop pulling so hard.
Sky-Byte: No, tell them they have to go a little bit to the right.
Dark Scream: Okay now! You’ve gotta start turning to the right!
Gas Skunk: All right, it curves. Just a little bit at the end, it’s not like this is supposed to be the Mona Lisa, it’s just supposed to be a rendezvous point.
Slapper: You’re preaching to the choir. As far as I’m concerned, we could have lit a flare for him. But Sky-Byte wants a monument.
Sky-Byte: Hahahaha! Can’t you just see the look in Megatron’s eyes as he flies into the rendezvous point?!
Dark Scream: Somehow when the Decepticons said “try drawing Megatron’s face in the ground,” I thought they were kidding.
Gas Skunk: You think Megatron would want this done before or after we defeat the Autobots?
Slapper: My money’s on after.
Movor: Ha! They actually did it. That is so lame!
T-AI: None of the frequencies the space agency gave us for the shuttle are working. Not even the emergency one. Optimus, any ideas?
Optimus: There might be a blind spot in the orbit, T-AI. Try patching in it again through a satellite.
T-AI: Still nothing. How did we get X-Brawn?!
Optimus: Is this the image data we’re receiving from the shuttle now?
T-AI: I think so, Optimus, but I’m going back to re-check all of the — We’ve lost the signal again!
X-Brawn (singing): I knew a gal named Gertie McGal, who was always happy to see me! Woohoo!
T-AI: X-Brawn, come in. Is everything all right up there?
X-Brawn: Oh, everything’s more than all right out here, darling. It’s beautiful. How’s ’bout you folks?
T-AI: We’re fine if you are.
X-Brawn: All righty then, we’re both fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious off-roading to do. Yeehaw!
Movor: You know, I might need a new set of optics, but that was not the Autobot I was locked on. I’m going to find their headquarters no matter what I have to do.
X-Brawn (singing): O’er the land of the free and the home of the — [stops] Wha? Uh hi, fellas. Nifty art project ya got there. All of a sudden, today got a little less beautiful.
Sky-Byte: You seem to have driven right to your own demise!
Gas Skunk: I don’t normally say this sort of thing, but this is absolutely perfect.
Slapper: When I’m catching flies by your memorial, I may put a flower down sometime.
Dark Scream: We’re going to take you off-road, all right… For good!
Movor: Don’t do it, guys. I’ve seen this kind of thing in westerns. Guy who’s trapped always wins in the end.
X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform! Now, how many pieces do you want to be broken in to?
Sky-Byte: You’re vastly outnumbered. Sure you don’t want to run?
X-Brawn: Not a chance, shark-butt.
Sky-Byte: Well have it your way then.
Slapper: Tongue Lash!
Gas Skunk: Blade Slash!
Dark Scream: Center laser!
Sky-Byte: Get him while he’s down.
Slapper: X-Brawn! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Hey, where’d he go?
Gas Skunk: Man, I can’t see a thing.
Dark Scream: Me neither.
X-Brawn: I’ll have to let them go for now. I gotta get back to base and report this.
Sky-Byte: Well, what? Any sign of him?
Sky-Byte: Ergh, come out! Insolent Autobot, face your doom.
Movor: I tried to warn them, but would they listen? Noooo. Now I’ve got to find someone to lead me around the world again before we find a base. And if that doesn’t work, I quit. I’m gonna move to the moon or something.
T-AI: There’s got to be a reason we can’t contact the space shuttle.
Optimus: Strange. Why would the shuttle be tracking X-Brawn?
X-Brawn: Man, I think I might have been having battery palpitations there for a while.
Prowl: X-Brawn, what happened to you?!
X-Brawn: What happened? A couple of rodents and a tuna fish with teeth! That’s what.
Prowl: You were ambushed by the Predacons? Why didn’t you call on us?
X-Brawn: If I had time and a payphone, I might have. But something kept jamming my signal.
T-AI: I don’t believe it, Optimus. The shuttle that we’ve been trying to reach for a while is just a —
Optimus: A what, T-AI? What’s the matter with the shuttle?
T-AI: I’m afraid that ship’s a total fake. Because the real shuttle and its crew are hostages. That’s what the agency just said.
Prowl: Who would want to launch a fake shuttle up into space?
X-Brawn: Optimus, are you thinking what I am?
Optimus: Decepticons. It’s Movor. I’m sure of it.
T-AI: So it was no mistake that X-Brawn appeared on our monitor when we tried to patch into the space shuttle’s network.
Optimus: Because Movor must have been tracking X-Brawn.
X-Brawn: L’il ol’ me? Why would those guys care where I went?
Prowl: Come to think of it, they might have been tracking me.
X-Brawn: Get the feeling that this was Movor as well?
Prowl: Errrr… I’m such a slacker! I turned the sensors off for a chase!
T-AI: Speaking of slackers, where could Sideburn be?
Optimus: Hold on, T-AI.
T-AI: But Optimus, what about Movor?
Optimus: I don’t think Movor’s going to attack.
T-AI: You’re right. They seem to be using the shuttle to track all of the Autobot’s paths.
Optimus: True, but they haven’t meant to ambush any of us yet. The Decepticons just might be after something greater. They may be using Movor’s ability to trace one of our paths back to here. In that case…
T-AI: Of course. They’d know where our base was.
Autobots: Huh?! What?
Mega-Octane: Is that flying piece of tin still daydreaming?
Movor: I hear ya loud and clear, Mega-Octane. I may be in orbit, but I’m not deaf.
Mega-Octane: Wonderful… Listen, Movor, have you made progress of any kind in finding the Autobot base?
Movor: I woulda, if it hadn’t been for a bunch of furballs ditch-digging in the desert. I’m tracking Romeo-on-wheels now.
Megatron: Hmmm, good. Let’s follow Sideburn.
Movor: You got it, chief.
Sideburn: Aw, come on, beautiful. Slow down just a little bit. You know I can’t resist a shiny new sport model like you. Hey, I know a great little drive-in theatre. It’s romantic and it’s very, very classy.
Kelly: Please tell me it’s not that blue sportscar again. Oh, it is. It totally is!
Movor: Hey, Blue Boy, no tailgating. Just pass on by and lead us to the base. Any time, loverboy, any time.
Sideburn: No, wait a minute. Some of the movies out there are really pretty good. I saw this TV special on one of them about this big ship that started to sink —
Kelly: That would only be good if you were on board!
Sideburn: Ouch! That hurt! Okay, that really hurt! I’m deeply wounded. I’m in pain! Look in the rear view mirror and you see pain, pain! Right here.
Slapper: Hey, I don’t believe our luck today. Here’s another one.
Gas Skunk: You know, we don’t need to be so nice.
Dark Scream: He’s gonna come right past us.
Sky-Byte: Just don’t stand there gawking. Prepare for battle.
Mega-Octane: Sky-Byte, you’re not about to interfere with our strategic planning this time.
Sky-Byte: Planning? What sort of strategy did you intend, a wedding or a cotillion?
Mega-Octane: Listen steel-head, if Megatron wanted a laugh, all he’d need is that pathetic sand painting you made!
Sky-Byte: Uhhh — he — he didn’t like it?
Sideburn: And there’s this movie where dinosaurs go around eating people, and even cars!
Kelly: It’s a shame they missed you!
Sky-Byte: Ugh, there they are. I have a chance to redeem myself to Megatron with this.
Movor: Don’t do it…
Sky-Byte: Sky-Byte, terrorize!
Gas Skunk: That had to hurt.
Slapper: Hey, did you see that? It came right out of the sky!
Dark Scream: Divine punishment!
Slapper and Gas Skunk: Uh huh, uh huh.
Slapper: Aaah! We forgot about the Autobot! He’s getting away!
Movor: They never listen.
Sideburn: Hey, you know what, there’s another movie we could see about, like, aliens that come down and, like, take over other people’s minds.
Kelly: They’ve already succeeded, you’re living proof of that.
Sideburn: Well, I’m running out of types of movies here. I guess we could go see a documentary or something…
Movor: I found the base!
Movor: Sector 12.
Scourge: Excellent. Get ready to annihilate the Autobots from this planet forever.
Commandos: Sir, yes, sir!
Megatron: Wonderful. By nightfall, my enemy will be vanquished.
Scourge: My fellow Decepticons, behold your true destiny. The only obstacle that seperates you from total world domination. Let’s move!
Sideburn: I do have a sensitive side. I can cry at movies. Especially during car crashes. And all of my doors dent surprisingly easily. You know, maybe we could go see one of those movies about actually really falling in love… if it doesn’t go on too long.
Kelly: Thank you, but I’d rather eat a mouthful of thumbtacks.
Ro-Tor: Was that supposed to be it?
Armorhide: Found an old cola bottle and a comb.
Mega-Octane: Good work, Movor. We’ve just destroyed a graveyard.
Movor: Uh, sorry about that. Small miscalculation. Try the bay in sector 14.
Rollbar: So we’re looking for an ultra-secret yacht club?
Mega-Octane: You better be right! Let’s move out!
Movor: Sideburn, you’re not stopping? Uh ohhhh!
Mega-Octane: That was ten empty summer homes!
Movor: Sorry, try the power plant.
Mega-Octane: That was just a normal power plant, Movor!
Movor: Okay, it’s the airport! No, the shipyard! Uhhh…
Mega-Octane: Quit pulling my crankshaft and tell me where the real Autobots are!
Movor: See, the thing is — I don’t really know!
Kelly: Please, go away!
Sideburn: I love you, red car! Stop in the name of true love! Or at least slow down a little. Whoa. Where’d she go? That car had sweet handling. She just ditched me going twice the speed limit on a hairpin turn! I am so in love!
Kelly: Hey, somebody get me out of here! Oh well, at least I lost that stupid blue car.
Tow-Line: Behind every turn Sideburn takes the Decepticons have been making trouble.
X-Brawn: And man, looks like that kid’s been taking a whole lot of turns.
Optimus: T-AI, we’ll need to make radio contact with Sideburn.
T-AI: But we can’t bring him here.
Optimus: No. Send him to the pier. The Decepticons will follow.
T-AI: What about Sideburn?
Optimus: Once Sideburn lures the Decepticons to the pier, we’ll show up to ensure that Megatron never comes around to look for our base again.
T-AI: No problem.
Sideburn: Whoa, the whole gang’s back there at home. What’s going on, guys?
Optimus: Sideburn, we need you to go to Pier 7B now. Wait there for further instruction.
Sideburn: That’s kind of a problem, guys. I was… looking for – a – missing person.
T-AI: A missing person, huh?! I know who you’re looking for and it’s that —
X-Brawn: Sideburn, that cute red car you’ve been chasing’s down on Pier 7B. We all fixed up a date for you.
Sideburn: Aw, that’s awesome! You guys are the greatest! I’ll be there in less than two minutes, I promise!
X-Brawn: Well, I guess that worked.
Optimus: Good work, X-Brawn. Autobots, let’s roll out to the pier for a little date of our own.
Movor: Wow, looks like he’s headed some place pretty important. Scourge, come in!
Scourge: This better be good.
Movor: It is. Loverboy’s making the B-Line to the pier. He must be headed back to base!
Scourge: If you’re wrong, you’ll pay for it.
Movor: The kid’s headed somewhere important.
Scourge: Let’s move out.
Sideburn: Well, here I am. Pier 7B. I don’t see that red car anywhere. She’s got to be inside. I can’t exactly drive on in there, so it’s time for me to get a little creative. Sideburn, transform! This makes me much better looking.
Scourge: Going somewhere special, Autobot?
Sideburn: …I hope that’s not my date.
Scourge: So this is the secret Autobot base.
Sideburn: Oh no. I came here to date a cute red car, not these five ugly Decepticon freakshows.
Scourge: Answer the question. Is this the Autobot base, or not?
Mega-Octane: Don’t play dumb, Sideburn. What is that?
Sideburn: A lighthouse?
Optimus: Optimus Prime, transform!
X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!
Prowl: Prowl, transform!
Sideburn: X-Brawn, you lied to me, man! I’ll never find that red car now, lughead!
X-Brawn: Hey, Sideburn, just a little joke. We needed some way to get you here because them Decepticons have been following you around all day.
Sideburn: They want the red car?!
X-Brawn: No, they wanted our base. They’d thought you’d start flirting long enough to show ’em where it was.
Sideburn: You still tricked me. That red car and me, we really had an understanding today.
X-Brawn: Uh Sideburn… We gotta fight now, so drop it!
Scourge: Looks like we might be close to the base after all.
Armorhide: It’s good enough for me. Let’s combine and take care of them right now.
Mega-Octane: That’s good tactics.
Rollbar: Hold on. We can’t do that. We’re a man down.
Ro-Tor: Or a man up! We’re missing Movor.
Scourge: Forget it. We don’t need to look for that base if we can turn the Autobots into scrap metal right here.
Optimus: That’ll be the day. Optimus Prime, battle mode! Let’s go, Scourge.
Movor: This is exciting. I had front row tickets to a heavy metal concert but this is way better. I’ll just sit back and watch the action.
Scourge: Look around, Autobots. Enjoy the view. Because you won’t be around to see it anymore.
Optimus: Drop the redderick(?). It still doesn’t make you right.
Trains: Team Bullet Train, attack!
Midnight: Right on time as usual.
Railspike: Railspike, transform!
Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!
Midnight: Midnight Express, transform!
Rapid Run: Hi there! Don’t start fighting all at once, guys.
Railspike: There’s no way you can beat all of us.
Scourge: Good point. We don’t need to destroy the Autobot base if the Autobot’s leader is out of the picture. Optimus Prime, you’re mine. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Movor: One-on-one with Optimus? That’s gonna leave a mark. The good guy always beats the bad guy, if he doesn’t get help from his gang.
Scourge: You’ll never make it, Prime!
Optimus: You’ll never know, Scourge.
Movor: Okay. He definitely needs me. Targetting… Targetting locked. Argon laser, fire!
Mega-Octane: You metal maggot! You just zapped your own chief!
Movor: Look, I’m sorry. Just tell Scourge not to move next time. He threw me off.
Midnight: Lasers from space? Look, that’s hardly sporty!
Scourge: Oh, I hate this guy… I really hate this guy. Fight’s not over yet, Prime.
Movor: This time I got Prime for sure. Prepare to meet your manufacturer. Ready, aim…
Scourge: Sword of Fury!
Scourge: Goodbye, Optimus.
Movor: Oh! No, no, no! That didn’t happen! It wasn’t me, I swear!
Scourge: Movor, you’d better hope you never set wheels on this planet again.
Armorhide: I’d say it’s time to pack it in.
Mega-Octane: A good commander knows when to cut his losses, and I’d say he’s a big one.
Scourge: I swear I’m gonna turn that looney-bin shuttle into metal confetti.
Movor: I don’t think I’m real popular right now. I never found the base, I blew up the wrong stuff… And I shot Scourge twice. Aaahhh! Oh no! Ah, I’ve hit the atmosphere too hard! Too hot! My nose is melting! I’m turning into Rudolph here! I forgot to pick up my sunscreen!
Optimus: So you see, we had to continue using you as the decoy.
Sideburn: But what about the red car promise? That was cruel and unusual.
Optimus: Perhaps, but you would have never gone to the pier otherwise. And besides, your pursuit of that red car kept the Decepticons away from our true base.
Tow-Line: Right, little man. Our secret base is still safe ’cause you have a thing for red sportscars. Before, I’ve towed you away for this sort of thing but today, you get the thumbs up!
Sideburn: If that’s the case, then I suppose it’s okay if I talk some more of those beautiful cars now!
X-Brawn: Oh no, you don’t! / Prowl: Absolutely not!
Prowl: We’re going to keep a careful eye on you. If you act this reckless one more time…
Sideburn: Aw man, I knew it sounded too good to be true!
Movor: Ooooh! Oh! Hot! Hot! Oooohh! Oh… That’s better.