Transcribed by Brandon Williams
Transformers: Robots in Disguise
“Secret of the Ruins” – Episode 6
Written by Tom Wyner
[Cut from the beginning of “Battle Protocol!” where Megatron first transforms.]
Megatron: Megatron, terrorize! I know those blasted Autobots are nearby. I can feel them hiding amongst the trucks and buses of this pathetic little mothball called Earth. Come forth, my Predacons. Flush out the cowardly Autobots.
[The Predacons attack.]
Gas Skunk: Skunk Attack! Oops, I forgot. I’m not a real skunk, I’m a Predacon. All right, then. Gas Skunk Attack!
Dorie Dutton: This is Dorie Dutton reporting live from the scene of the last Predacon sighting. According to eyewitnesses, Predacons have been searching the streets for any sign of the Autobots.
Optimus: Well since they’ve gone through all that trouble, I’d hate to disappoint them. T-AI, who’s currently available?
T-AI: Checking now, Optimus. Member select program! The Autobot Brothers are on standby patrol in the southwestern region. I’ll try to contact them right away. Prowl, we have a situation here.
Prowl: We have a situation of our own.
T-AI: What exactly do you mean?
Prowl: We haven’t heard from Sideburn all day. He’s not answering on his normal frequency.
X-Brawn: He took Koji to explore some old Indian ruins before checking to make sure they’re okay. What’s up on your end?
T-AI: We’ve got Predacon trouble in Metro City again.
Prowl: Team Bullet Train is a lot closer to the city than we are. Let us know if they need any help. Meanwhile, we’re gonna look for Sideburn and Koji. Let’s go, X-Brawn.
Optimus: Good luck, Prowl. Let us know when you find them. T-AI, get us the location of the Bullet Trains.
T-AI: Okay. Prowl is right. They’re scheduled to arrive at a downtown station in a few minutes. Railspike, we need Team Bullet Train for patrol duty ASAP. Predacons have been sighted in the mid-town area!
Railspike: Got that, T-AI. All three of us will be arriving at the main station in about sixty seconds.
T-AI: Rapid Run, did you copy that transmission?
Rapid Run: Gotcha, T-AI. But yo, Railspike, a whole minute to get there? You better grease your wheels. I bet you I can beat you there by thirty seconds.
Railspike: In your dreams, pal. How about you, Midnight? What’s your ETA?
Midnight Express: Estimated time of arrival at the Metro City main depot in approximately 42.3 seconds.
Railspike: Meet you at the station, guys. Let’s roll.
Trains: On track!
Railspike: This is an Autobot emergency. Please move back from the boarding area. Bullet Trains are currently unavailable.
Rapid Run: Sorry to delay your commute home, folks.
Midnight: Please be patient. There’ll be another train arriving in ten minutes. Midnight Express, transform!
Rapid Run: Rapid Run, transform!
Railspike: Railspike, transform!
Midnight: Excuse me. Coming through! My apologies, I’m just trying to do my job. It is somewhat of an emergency. I’ll be out of your way in a second.
Guy: You wanna see an emergency? Wait till you see what happens to me if I’m late getting home!
Midnight: Hey, that was a nice paintjob. Sorry! ‘Cuse me!
Railspike: Hey Midnight, the Predacons are in the other direction. You’re going the wrong way.
Midnight Express: Goodness, I’m all turned around! My apologies. Lead the way.
Railspike: Why didn’t I think of that? C’mon.
Midnight: I’m right behind you.
Dark Scream: This is starting to get good. We couldn’t miss those guys if we tried.
Slapper: Gas Skunk, smoke ’em with your acid breath. They can’t see us, they can’t fight back.
Gas Skunk: When I get through with those guys, they’ll be lucky to find their way back to the train station. In a few seconds they won’t be able to see anything.
Railspike: What the?
Rapid Run: It’s an ambush!
Slapper: What’s a matter, Railspike? Skunk got your tongue?
Railspike: Here, have a taste of your own medicine! Perfecto Mines, lock on.
Rapid Run: Yo Railspike, I do believe your aiming mechanism is getting a little rusty. Those mines are going in the wrong direction.
Railspike: You rookies are so impatient. Keep watching, you might learn something.
Slapper: Shut it off, Gas Skunk!
Gas Skunk: I can’t till I run out of gas!
Dark Scream: Bad breath is one thing, but this is ridiculous! Go breathe on somebody else before we’re barbecued!
Railspike: You see!
Rapid Run: Gotta hand it to you, old timer. That was a pretty slick move.
Optimus: Something about this doesn’t smell right.
T-AI: You mean Gas Skunk’s breath? It is pretty terrible.
Optimus: No. Something’s wrong.
T-AI: But our guys won. They defeated them easily.
Optimus: Perhaps too easily. What was their target? Usually they try and steal energy and convert it to energon cubes, but not this time. So what was their real motive?
T-AI: Good point. They could be up to something we don’t know about and use this as a diversion.
Optimus: Exactly, T-AI. But what?
Sky-Byte: Ah, yes. While those foolish Autobots are being distracted by the other Predacons, I’ll be able to find what we’re really after.
Sky-Byte: What I’m looking for is hidden in a secret chamber within some old ruins which should be in this immediate vicinity. But I’ve seen nothing around here except lizards, sand and rocks. Hmmmm? Aha. Unless I miss my guess, that doorway is the entrance to the ruins and that means that the rest of Dr. Onishi’s instructions must undoubtably be correct.
Megatron (flashback): Dr. Onishi has secret information which could make me the most powerful being in the universe. I must extract this information.
Sky-Byte (flashback): Yes, if this information actually exists. Are you sure that he’s telling you the truth?
Megatron (flashback): He didn’t tell me anything. I projected his thoughts with the psycho-probe!
Sky-Byte (flashback): At 90,000 volts per probe, he won’t last very long.
Megatron (flashback): What a pity… I don’t care, you fool! With this information, I could rule the universe! Understand?
Sky-Byte (flashback): Yes, I’m sure you’re right as always.
Megatron (flashback): Good. To find where it’s hidden, we must increase the power of the probe. Transpose his brain impulses into on-screen imagery.
Sky-Byte (flashback): Then, no matter how hard he resists, we’ll know where to look for it.
Megatron (flashback): Precisely. Only the images that are most important to the good doctor will appear on the scanning screen, so one of them’s bound to show us the secret location of the information that he’s trying to hide from us. Now, doctor, your inner-most secrets will be exposed. Psycho-probe, increase power!
Dr. Onishi (flashback): Gotta resist…
Megatron (flashback): He’s still fighting us. These are merely surface images. They’re meaningless! He’s stronger than I thought. Very well. Psycho-probe, increase power!
Dr. Onishi (flashback): Ruins… secret chamber…
Sky-Byte (flashback): An isolated region like that would be a perfect hiding place.
Megatron (flashback): Search those ruins immediately. Go! Now!
Sky-Byte (flashback): At once. And when I return, the doctor’s secret will be ours.
Sky-Byte: Thanks to Megatron’s diversion, I’ll have plenty of time to find the secret chamber and whatever it contains. And if I succeed in bringing Megatron the key to universal supremecy, our voyage to this planet would have been worthwhile. Huh? No, it couldn’t be! It is! It’s that Autobot Sideburn!
Sideburn: Why’d you want to come all the way out here? It’s in the middle of nowhere. I’ll bet you there isn’t a cherry red sportscar within a hundred miles of this place, Koji.
Koji: Hey, sorry about that, Sideburn. We’re going to the old Pyuma ruins. Shouldn’t take long now.
Sideburn: Pie humour, my favourite! There’s nothing funnier than a pie in the face, right?!
Koji: No, Pyuma’s the name of a tribe. They were Native Americans who lived here hundreds of years ago. They mysteriously disappeared around the time that Columbus discovered the new world.
Sideburn: But if they disappeared, then how does anybody know who lived there?
Koji: My dad was the one who figured it out. He knows more about them than anyone.
Sideburn: Hmmm… Sounds kinda interesting. All right then, let’s go have a look.
Sky-Byte: Where are the other Autobots? Did they figure out what we’re up to or is this merely a coincidence? It doesn’t matter, either way I’ll have to get rid of them to complete my mission. This is the end of the road for Sideburn!
Dark Scream: Megatron wants us to keep these guys busy for as long as possible.
Slapper: Let’s use the tri-laser attack. Come on, guys! Slapper, terrorize! Hahahaha!
Gas Skunk: Gas Skunk, terrorize!
Dark Scream: Dark Scream, terrorize! Argh! Center laser!
Slapper: Right laser!
Gas Skunk: Left laser!
Rapid Run: Deflector Shield!
Slapper: Watch what you’re doing, Gas Skunk. Your laser almost fried me!
Gas Skunk: Oh yeah, your laser hit me so hard I thought my gas nozzle was going to fall off.
Dark Scream: Frozen by my own freeze beam. How embarrassing!
Railspike: Team Bullet Train wins again! Way to go, Rapid Run.
Rapid Run: What do you say we kick these guys outta town?
Megatron: So my plan seems to have worked… At least three of the Autobots have been kept occupied into the city. But where’s Optimus Prime? Why isn’t he here?!
Optimus: We have to figure out what Megatron’s real plan is. Fast.
T-AI: If they are trying to distract us from whatever they’re really up to, would who Megatron use for a secret mission?
Optimus: Hmmm… Good question, T-AI. Sky-Byte would be the logical choice. He’s ruthless and very clever.
T-AI: You are right. I’ll log onto the global Autobot net. Maybe one of our guys has seen him.
Koji: This is it, the Pyuma ruins! You might have trouble driving in there. It’s a real labyrinth, a maze of tunnels with hairpin turns.
Sideburn: No sweat. How did your father ever discover this place?
Koji: It’s his job, Sideburn. That’s what archeologists have to do.
Sideburn: Sounds like interesting work, that is if you can’t be an Autobot.
Sky-Byte: Sounds like the Autobot and the human are the only ones who know about this place. Once i’ve gotten rid of them there’ll be nobody here to stop me.
Koji: First we have to find the secret entrance to the inner chambers. There it is.
Sideburn: What’s the hole for?
Koji: It’s kind of like a keyhole, but the key is over there. You put this thing in here. The really interesting part is inside.
Sideburn: Haha, you seem to know an awful lot about this place.
Koji: Yeah, I used to come here every summer… with my dad.
Sideburn: You explored it together?
Koji: Yup. I haven’t been here in a long time, but I used to know almost every inch of this place.
Sky-Byte: That tunnel bearing will soon become a trap from which they will never escape. My Shark missiles will get rid of those two once and for all.
Sideburn: Wait, Koji.
Koji: Hey, what’s the matter? What is it, Sideburn?
Sideburn: I think we’ve got company. If that sound is what I think it is, we gotta get out of here. Climb aboard. Buckle up, Koji. And hold on.
Kelly: These ruins are absolutely fascinating! And it’s so quiet and peaceful, it’s just what the doctor said I needed to get over my irrational fear of being chased by talking cars. Huh?! I could’ve sworn I just heard a car… Oh, there I go again imagining things. What would a car be doing down here in these ancient Indian ruins?
Sideburn: ‘Cuse me!
Kelly: It’s the talking car. And guided missiles. But they didn’t talk!
Sideburn: You’re right! This place is a maze!
Koji: The Pyumas built it that way to confuse intruders.
Sideburn: Well those missiles don’t look confused!
Sideburn: Phew, that was a close one. Mayday! I repeat, this is a mayday.
Koji: We’re under fifty feet of solid rock. It won’t go through from down here.
Rapid Run: You guys never learn!
Midnight: Hey, it’s never too late to teach a new skunk new tricks. See you, wouldn’t want to be you!
Rapid Run: Major hook up, Midnight. Nice shooting.
Megatron: I see that I’m going to have to take care of you Bullet Train buffoons myself.
Predacons: Help us, Megatron!
Megatron: You three should’ve been brought back into the gene pool, now out of my way!
Preds: No problem!
Megatron: Now, Autobots… Let’s see how you do against a real opponent. You’ll soon discover that all of your powers combined won’t be enough to defeat me.
Rapid Run: Do you talk this much all the time, or only when you’ve got two mouths?
Megatron: Actually, my two mouths have a much more useful purpose.
Midnight: Shall we fuse, gentlemen?
Railspike: Not yet. We’ve got to wait for the right moment.
Optimus: Not one Autobot has reported seeing Sky-Byte anywhere on Earth.
T-AI: Optimus, look! That’s a mayday signal on Koji’s frequency. He’s down at those ruins with Sideburn.
Optimus: If I use the global space bridge, I can be there in a few minutes.
Sky-Byte: Now that those two troublemakers are out of the way I can finish my mission. According to the information we stole from Dr. Onishi’s mind, the secret chamber should be hidden behind a wall inscribed “the hyogrid,” matching the one I’m projecting right now. That’s it! Shark Spike! Aha, that receptacle on top of the stairway must be where the information is hidden. Once we learn the secrets it contains, the Predacons will be the most powerful beings in the universe! Hahahaha, and will have more power than I could have ever possibly imagined, second only to Megatron!
Optimus: I don’t think so. Flying Fist! Target signature, Sky-Byte. Fire!
Sky-Byte: I don’t understand. How did you know I was here?
Koji: I called him, Sky-Byte. Right after we got out of that tunnel. My dad showed me all the secret passage ways the Pyumas used for emergencies.
Optimus: Sky-Byte, you were sent here for something, but what? These ruins hold no interest for Predacons. What is Megatron after?
Sky-Byte: My orders were quite clear. Now out of my way! I always knew I was good, I just never realized how good. Megatron, I’ve got the container from the chamber, and thus the secret information!
Megatron: My plan worked perectly. My job is done. Lucky for the three of you, I have urgent business elsewhere. However, I would like to add just one final footnote!
Railspike: Rail Racer, transform!
Rail Racer: Rail Racer, fusion completed!
Megatron: What’s this?
Rail Racer: The name’s Rail Racer. Round and around he goes, and where he stops, nobody knows!
Megatron: Where are you?
Rail Racer: Right over here!
Megatron: What a shame. I have to leave now. We’ll finish this some other time.
Slapper: We thought you wanted us to whomp those guys.
Megatron: Only as a diversionary tactic to obscure the actual objective.
Gas Skunk: Got any idea what he’s talking about? I don’t.
Megatron: Return to base, unless you want to go on fighting.
[The Preds quickly decide to leave.]
Rail Racer: Rail Racer’s back on track!
Sky-Byte: I’ve stolen it. Now I just have to deliver it to Megatron.
X-Brawn: Howdy Sky-Byte.
Prowl: Pull over. That’s stolen property. Your delivery to Megatron has just been cancelled.
Sideburn: Sideburn, transform!
X-Brawn: X-Brawn, transform!
Prowl: Prowl, transform!
Sky-Byte: It’s not stolen, I found it!
X-Brawn: Whenever you are.
Prowl: Last warning, Sky-Byte.
Sky-Byte: This box is going with me! Aaaahh! Oh well, wrong again!
Koji: Oh! Optimus, the box!
Optimus: Got it!
Optimus: So Megatron tried to lure us into the city, while Sky-Byte was carrying out his mission here.
X-Brawn: Looks like we got plum lucky, Optimus. If Koji and Sideburn hadn’t have been out here…
Sideburn: They would’ve gotten away with it!
Optimus: What I don’t understand is what you two were doing out here.
Koji: My dad and I used to explore these old ruins together.
Dr. Onishi (flashback): We humans think we know everything. But the Earth still holds many secrets that will be revealed only to those who are willing to search for them.
Koji (flashback): I wanna do that, Dad. I wanna be an archeologist, just like you.
Dr. Onishi (flashback): Thanks, son. Those words are one of greatest gifts you could’ve given me.
Koji: But… how did the Predacons find out about this place? And how did Sky-Byte know how to find the secret chamber?
Optimus: Somehow they must’ve gotten that information from your father. But what exactly were they after?
X-Brawn: Whatever’s inside that box must be pretty important. Go ahead, Koji. Open it up and lets have a look.
Sideburn: What is it, Koji?
Koji: It’s a photo of me and my dad from the last time we were here.
X-Brawn: That’s it? Nothing else?
Optimus: Hmmm… A photo like that has good sentimental value, but why would your father leave it in a place that it would be so difficult to find?
X-Brawn: Well I’ll be switched, there was something hidden in the frame.
Koji: I’ve never seen this before. It looks like it’s part of a computer.
Optimus: You’re right. It’s a microchip. So that’s what Megaron was after.
Koji: My dad must’ve wanted to keep this a secret. The question is… Why?